In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
