I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
