Yo dont text me then not text me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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