I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
