I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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