dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i drank out of a bidet.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
