I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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