Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
