You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
