I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
