does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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