quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
