Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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