guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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