3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
