last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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