be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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