im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
