Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
