can u get pink eye on your cock?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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