I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
