apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
