I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
