Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
