You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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