She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
