***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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