Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
