I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
