why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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