You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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