you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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