I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
