Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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