i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
