I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
