Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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