11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i came on her dog
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
