Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
