i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
