i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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