he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
