I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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