Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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