My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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