we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
