8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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