Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
