just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
