i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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