On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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