That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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