I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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