There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
