i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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